Chilton Pierce

...in his book, "The Crack in the Cosmic Egg," relates an equally-strange event. A woman was grabbed by two young violent men. They told her they were going to rape her and then kill her. She saw that they were serious and accepted that they were going to kill her, but then felt nothing but deep compassion for the two men. She exhibited no fear at all, and only felt a mother's kind of love for them. It was a direct body response rather than a mind response. Not encountering the kind of fear they expected, and seeing something entirely different shining from the woman's face, both men instantly lost all interest in hurting her, and one man burst into tears and begged her to forgive him. She was in an altered state of mind and the full impact of what had happened didn't hit her until later.

The universe can interact with itself in very unusual ways.

Looking back

...I remember what it was like to suffer from the compulsion of incessant thought, and when the mind is that frenetic, it is almost impossible to contemplate existential issues. It’s like having attention deficit disorder on steroids. More than twenty-five years ago I began meditating solely in hopes of attaining a tiny bit of freedom from the nonstop internal dialogue that was driving me crazy. I had no idea that meditation would lead to numerous insights, several huge realizations, and a complete change in the focus of my life within five months. I did not know that meditation, for some people, can be like hitting the "clear" button on a calculator. Each person is unique, and I would not expect Freddy to have the same kinds of experiences or realizations that I had, but when I read Freddy’s posts, it reminds me of what it is like when this mind is wildly spinning. If nothing else, and aside from the issue of non-duality, meditation, yoga, tai chi, aerobic exercise, etc. are healthful activities, and people who pursue them tend to be happier, more relaxed, and live longer lives than people who don’t pursue such activities. (More about this later)

FWIW, I enjoy interesting stories, but I realize that any story can be interpreted in an infinite number of ways (more about this later, too), so here’s another story that seems applicable within this context:

One day a Zen Master in Japan was preparing to leave his monastery to go on a trip. As he came out of the main temple carrying some stuff to a waiting automobile, a young man with wild eyes suddenly ran up to him and told him that he desperately needed to study Zen, that it was a matter of life or death. The young man was clearly disturbed and perhaps psychologically unbalanced. The ZM put his hand on the young man's shoulder and calmly said, "I understand, so first I want you to go pick up the luggage over there on the verandah and bring it to the car for me." The young man did as he was told. The ZM then said, "Thanks so much for your help; now I want you to listen very carefully to what the head monk (who was standing nearby) is going to tell you. It takes a great deal of work to maintain a facility like this, and work is part of the Zen training process. Please help the head monk, follow his directions, and when I return from my trip, we'll have a long talk about Zen and your needs and aspirations." The ZM then gave a knowing look at his head monk, got into the car, and left.

The young man may have been so emotionally disturbed or mentally deranged that what he needed most was some good meds prescribed by a physician, but the ZM and the head monk could see that the only practical thing for them to do at that moment was try to calm the young man's mind through physical activity. The head monk probably put him to work scrubbing floors, raking leaves, cleaning windows, or some other repetitive physical activity. He was beyond the state of mind that Zen calls "monkey mind," and it would have been pointless at that time to invite him to a Zen interview, talk to him about meditation, discuss non-duality with him, or tell him that “it’s all in your head.” For someone calmer and more rational a different approach would have been used.

Probably most people fall into the category of “monkey mind” in which thoughts jump around like a monkey jumping from treelimb to treelimb. Most of us live in a mental world (that Charles Tart calls “a consensus trancestate”) dominated by self-referential thinking. We believe in things like “things,” and we believe that time, space, causality, etc. are real. We believe in “getting ahead,” acquiring stuff, and “becoming somebody” (ha ha). We psychologically live in the past or future and rarely take time to be here now or smell the roses. In short, for most of us, the world is a mad mad place with too little time and a lot of stress. Some people get into the habit of thinking incessantly (even thinking about thinking), and this adds enormously to the stress.

I have a feeling that may people like this could benefit from physical activities (such as yoga, tai chi, etc) that are known to promote mental calmness. 

Falling off a cliff

More than 25 years ago, about fifteen minutes into an initial experience of cosmic consciousness there was a point when everything I looked at began to dissolve and/or disappear (something commonly reported by schizophrenics). In retrospect it seems clear that something was happening to the body's normal mode of perception, but it was quite unnerving to watch the center of a man's body begin disappearing even though I was staring straight at it! I had to make a strong mental effort to hold onto reality and bring back the missing part of the man's torso, but the experience was quite frightening. I had the sense that if I didn't run away from what was happening, I was going to be plunged into some unfathomable emptiness and totally lose touch with reality. Fortunately, perhaps, after literally running away from the scene and after another five minutes or so I suddenly snapped back to "normal," and the perceptual instability instantly ceased.

I have no idea what would have happened if the body/mind had plunged into emptiness or a total absence of selfhood at that point in time, but it might have resulted in exactly the kind of thing that you have described. As it happened, that initial experience (and the accompanying realizations) was only the first collapse of many other thought structures that supported the consensus trance of ordinary reality. Many more would follow, and by the time the illusion of selfhood finally collapsed it was a relatively undramatic event--a bit like an older child suddenly realizing who Santa Claus must be ("Well, of course! How stupid of me not have seen this sooner.") ha ha.

When S. Segal (who was diagnosed as disassociated by many psychiatrists and who bought into that story totally) told Jean Klein, "There's no me. There used to be one, but now there isn't anymore," he replied, "Well, that's perfect."

Segal said, "But Jean, why is there so much anxiety?"

He replied, "You must stop the part of the mind that constantly keeps trying to look back at the experience."

Segal wrote, "There was a part of the mind--perhaps what we call the self-reflective or introspective function--that kept turning to look and, finding emptiness, kept sending the message that something was wrong. It was a reflex that had developed during the years of living in the illusion of individuality, a reflex we commonly consider necessary to know ourselves. We 'look within' repeatedly to determine what we think and feel, to make a study of ourselves and track our states of mind and heart. Now that there was no longer an 'in' to look 'into,' the self-reflective reflex was adrift but it persisted. It kept turning in and turning in, unable to come to terms with the fact that there was no 'in' anymore, only emptiness."

The main thing to realize is that there is no "in" and there never has been. Other people are under the illusion that there is an "in" but it is just an illusion. There was never a "you" in any sense whatsoever. There was only and always just THIS--a seamlessly unified field of being--, and it is neither empty nor full. It is what it is. It is what is happening right now. A body/mind can sometimes fall off of a psychological cliff when doing some kind of spiritual exercise, and the imagined person got more than was bargained for. Most people don't fall off the cliff all at once; they stumble downhill gradually, so the shock isn't so great. If this happens I doubt that there is any going back to a conventional sense of selfhood for the body/mind, and I suspect that sooner or later the body/mind will accept this.

Someone I know on a web forum once described the difference between the personal and the impersonal perspective very succinctly. Is the world seen as if by a person located behind the eyes, or is it perceived by a field of awareness not locatable in any specific sense? If it is the latter, then you might want to try meditation as a way to put the mind at rest and end its patholigization and rejection of what is actual. FWIW, it's an activity that helped Segal come to terms with her similar situation.

It is possible

Trust me; it is possible to see through the illusion of selfhood completely. "You" won't gain a thing in doing so because who you think you are is imaginary. Who you REALLY are is alive, conscious, unfathomably intelligent, and seamlessly whole. Simply shift attention away from self-referential thoughts and bear in mind what you want to know. The living truth might best be defined as "response to request," and it is why Jesus said, "Seek and ye shall find." He taught two parables about the importance of persistence, and persistence cannot be over-estimated.

Currently it feels as if there is a personal "you" seeking understanding. That's an illusion, but it can't be helped. It is a result of conditioning, indoctrination, and ceaseless self-referential thoughts. The truth is that oneness is seeking the truth through the body/mind called "you," and it will do whatever it will do. Ignore the naysayers; become a person of action; stop reflecting; contemplate whatever existential questions seem most important; and spend as much time as possible attending what you can see or hear non-conceptually.

Total mental silence is not necessary, but the more silent the mind becomes the easier it will be to see what's going on and to realize what is using "your" body's eyes to see itself. Hang in there.

Clink clink clink

I see ATA as a kind of stepping stone--a way of reversing the process that got us into the mess of thinking we're separate entities existing in space and time. ATA is a purposeful return to how we interacted with THIS ("what is") when we were children. When we begin ATA'ing, we do so under the illusion that we are entities doing something, but if the process continues, all ideation ultimately gets left behind and we discover that we are not who we initially thought we were. We discover that we are THIS, which is unimaginable, doing whatever IT does. In short, abidance in mind ceases, and a state of unknowing pervades all.

From my POV the *clink clink clink* is what it is, and it is only imagined as "clink clink clink" for purposes of pointing toward the unimaginable isness of being. Is there a difference between imagining a pink unicorn and imagining the sound we hear as "ice cubes falling into a cup" or "clink clink clink?" Only if we imagine there is. We imagine there is only for the purpose of pointing to one of many activities that can ultimately lead to non-abidance in mind.

Non-abidance collapses all cognitive illusions, including the illusion that "I am a person."

IS and ABOUT

What is IS. Concepts ABOUT isness are concepts.

I generally use the word "imagination" to refer to mental projections (ideas, images, symbols). I don't use it to refer to direct sensory perception. What a tree IS (for purposes of conversation and communication) is different than the idea "tree." You can't stub your toe on an idea, and ideas don't make sounds like *clink clink clink*.

If discursive thought is absent, everything remains clear and undisturbed. Ordinary life proceeds fluidly in a state of what we might call "empty alert intelligent clarity." In this empty state thoughts may arise, but they are vaporous and have no capacity to confuse or obscure the obvious.

The Glurch

A glurch is anyone who keeps the line from moving forward. If you're standing in line at the bank, and all of the other lines are moving while yours is motionless, you know that your line has a glurch at the teller. Yesterday, Carol (my wife) asked me to bring her a coffee from McD. When I returned, she asked, "What took so long?" I replied, my line had several glurches in it. It's a very useful concept and word.

Until a new distinction is made, and then represented with a symbol (a word in this case), does the defined "thing" exist? Ha ha. What a great koan!

Zen has several related koans that all illustrate what the mind does as it slices and dices reality into imaginable components. For example, if, as a mind game, you begin removing "parts" from an automobile, when does it cease to be an automobile? After the wheels and fenders are gone? After the engine and drivetrain are gone? After the frame and body are gone?

Ironically, after a glurch (or an automobile) is imagined, it is not so easy to get the silly thing out of one's mind. The challenge is how to stand in a line of people that doesn't move forward and NOT THINK, "D**M! My line has a glurch in it!"

The only thing worse than discovering a glurch in one's line is realizing that one is being a glurch, oneself, and preventing everyone else from moving forward. Ha ha.

Kensho and Satori

I like to make a distinction between "kensho," which is an experience of seeing into one's true nature," and "satori," which is realizing the illusory nature of the one who was thought to be seeking enlightenment. Satori ends the spiritual search because the imaginary seeker is suddenly seen to be imaginary. This realization happens instantly. Afterwards, the sense of being a someone "in here" looking out from behind a set of eyes at an external world "out there" is replaced by a generalized field of awareness whose origin is neither spatially nor specifically locatable.

Way of Liberation

In a new book titled "The Way of Liberation" Adyashanti makes a great point. He talks about meditation as a core practice/activity, but says that some traditions over-emphasize it and other traditions under-emphasize it. From my experience Zen tends to over-emphasize it, and Advaita tends to under-emphasize it. I won't discuss the implications of this, nor what can happen after realization as a result of sustained samadhi, but I will only say that the universe, as manifested by particular body/minds, often goes no further than Self-realization and becomes attached to the idea that Self-realization ends the process of Self-discovery. Other body/minds gradually vanish so totally into THIS that love and service become synonymous with Being.

If, after realization, there is still a relationship represented by "I have it" and "You don't it," there is further potential for vanishment into THIS, as THIS.

The eighth ox-herding picture of Zen represents the collapse of selfhood/otherhood, and is titled "no ox, no man," but there are two following pictures representing the following Niz quote:

"There are no important events for a jnani, except when somebody reaches the highest goal. Only then does his heart rejoice. All else is of no concen.The entire universe is his body, all life is his life."

Activities such as ATA and shikan taza

...are initially a means to an end. After satori, some people lose interest in meditative activities and some don't. If those activities continue subsequent to satori, they are no longer pursued because there are ideas about someone getting something as a result. It is more a case of what Adyashanti describes as "allowing things to be as they are." The universe ceases to identify as a person, but continues to look non-conceptually both within and without. This naturally leads to a kind of wholeness, service, and love. Service is rendered without reflection or conceived motive.

Each serious seeker is driven

...to ask his/her questions until the questioning is seen through. Behind every question is the assumption that there is a person asking the question. This is the fundamental illusion. All this stuff about discernment, clarity of purpose, freedom, etc. is mindstuff added on top of other mindstuff. WHO needs discernment, clarity of purpose, freedom, etc? WHO is bound?

Stay "outside" with ATA or go "inside" with shikan taza; take your pick, but leave "checking" at the door, and forget about making "progress." Look (either outside or inside)! Stay with non-conceptual looking and attend the activity of whatever is happening. Don't reinforce the illusion of selfhood with the habit of incessant verbal self-referentiality. The house of cards will collapse in its own good time as long as the cards aren't constantly being re-arranged or re-constructed.

What will happen if personhood collapses? First, an end to the search. Second, the end of trying to control the mind, silence the mind, or direct the mind. And third, the loss of a sense of a "me in here behind the eyes" looking out at "a world out there in front of the eyes." Otherwise, things will go on just as before. The body/mind will go about its business free from the illusion there that is a little person inside the body directing activities. Life will be what it is and what it always has been---THIS, doing what THIS does. THIS writes and types and sometimes listens to ice cubes falling into a cup at McD's. It is really that simple.

One other bit of off-the-wall advice is to read "Collision With the Infinite" five or six times. That book has a strange way of seeping down into the subconscious and loosening things up. Several people I know have been strongly affected by the way Segal writes about the fiction of selfhood. It may not help, but it's worth a go.

Just bear in mind what you want to know

...and attend whatever's happening. Your everyday ordinary life is the way. Do one thing at a time with full attention, and then do the next thing that has to be done with full attention. Watch without expectation, and you can't go wrong.

Full attention

...does not imply that everything will constantly come up roses (Jesus on the cross is testimony to that!). It simply means that the mind's usual shenanigans are not dominant, and there is no imaginative reinforcement of the usual illusions.

If you are fully washing the dishes, for example, "you" are not there because there is no reflective process occuring. "You," as you think yourself to be, appear and disappear throughout the day as discursive reflection starts and stops. If the mind is momentarily quiescent, as happens while washing dishes with full attention, there is pure awareness without any idea of personhood. Personhood only returns when ideation returns.

ATA, shikan taza, and most other meditative techniques (other than mindfulness) simply take attention away from thoughts so that they are more likely to be seen through. Mindfulness will also do this, but because thoughts are "sticky" this approach has an obvious limitation.

Everyone on the path of non-duality is aware that there are no guarantees (which is something that enormously irritated Question), but a better way of thinking about the issue is probabilistically. People who meditate or regularly shift attention to what is happening in the present moment (and thereby become people of action) have a higher probability of seeing through thought-created illusions than people who spend most of their time reflecting, fantasizing, analyzing, calculating, evaluating, etc. Tolle's essential message is to leave head-trips behind and spend more time attending what is here and now.

In a similar vein, people who stop thinking in terms of "shoulds" and "oughts" and accept reality as it is will generally be happier than people who constantly compare what is happening to their ideas about what they THINK should be happening.

The happiest and most peaceful people rarely waste any time thinking about happiness, peace, their own state of mind, themselves, ideals, or what other people think about them. They are not blissfully unaware; they are blissfully BEING THIS in full awareness rather than THINKING ABOUT THIS.