...than what I was already doing (ie. spending a lot of time "attending the actual" (ATA--looking and listening rather than reflecting or fantasizing), and directly interacting with the world (doing whatever I had to do with full attention). I felt 99% intuitively certain that if I kept ignoring thoughts and looking at the world like the lens of a camera, the mind and body would sooner or later psychologically unify. In a sense, that is exactly what happened. Less than a year later (from the point where I had gone as far as "I" could go), I went on a week-long hike in the mountains during which I spent most of my time just looking at the world. On the afternoon of the sixth day I happened to look "inside" and realized that my old sense of selfhood had evaporated. It was then immediately apparent that my past sense of selfhood had been nothing more than a thought-structure, and that who I AM is THIS. That ended this body/mind's search for unity. On that day in 1999 absolutely nothing was attained. There was simply the seeing of the obvious.
I consider the sense of selfhood to be nothing more than a thought-structure ingrained and reinforced by repetitive imagining. By taking attention away from selfhood and self-oriented ideation, the thought-structure will collapse on its own because it can only exist through continual reinforcement. This is why I tell folks to shift attention away from thoughts to "what is." As soon as it is recognized that the mind is engaging in a fantasy, shift attention to what can be seen or heard. As soon as it is recognized that the mind is "checking" on "one's progress," shift attention to whatever is happening in the moment. As soon as it is recognized that the mind is replaying old tape loops or re-telling old stories, shift attention. As soon as it is recognized that the mind is judging, or trying to figure things out, shift attention. Etc.
By staying attentive to what is happening here and now, in this moment, the usual mental conversation about "I," "my," "me," and "mine" are replaced with direct action and direct interaction with the world. In a sense, selfhood is lost because we no longer place any attention upon it. We give up the past and future and concentrate upon now.
When we place attentiveness upon THIS, now, we become like a fruit ripening on a tree, and after attentiveness becomes our dominant mode of being, it is only a matter of time before the fruit becomes fully ripe and falls off the tree. As the old master, Bunan, once wrote (somewhat paraphrased), "Penetrate the illusion of selfhood, and then do whatever you will; it will all be good." Or, as Angelus Selicius (sp?) said, "God can't come to visit you until you are no longer there."
I consider the sense of selfhood to be nothing more than a thought-structure ingrained and reinforced by repetitive imagining. By taking attention away from selfhood and self-oriented ideation, the thought-structure will collapse on its own because it can only exist through continual reinforcement. This is why I tell folks to shift attention away from thoughts to "what is." As soon as it is recognized that the mind is engaging in a fantasy, shift attention to what can be seen or heard. As soon as it is recognized that the mind is "checking" on "one's progress," shift attention to whatever is happening in the moment. As soon as it is recognized that the mind is replaying old tape loops or re-telling old stories, shift attention. As soon as it is recognized that the mind is judging, or trying to figure things out, shift attention. Etc.
By staying attentive to what is happening here and now, in this moment, the usual mental conversation about "I," "my," "me," and "mine" are replaced with direct action and direct interaction with the world. In a sense, selfhood is lost because we no longer place any attention upon it. We give up the past and future and concentrate upon now.
When we place attentiveness upon THIS, now, we become like a fruit ripening on a tree, and after attentiveness becomes our dominant mode of being, it is only a matter of time before the fruit becomes fully ripe and falls off the tree. As the old master, Bunan, once wrote (somewhat paraphrased), "Penetrate the illusion of selfhood, and then do whatever you will; it will all be good." Or, as Angelus Selicius (sp?) said, "God can't come to visit you until you are no longer there."
