Ha ha. Anyone who has powdered your butt will have a hard time ever accepting you as an equal. This is why family relationships are so problematic. Family members expect other family members to stay within certain well-defined roles. These roles can be very contricting if one is expanding one's horizons or moving out of old comfort zones.
Very few parents (and very few people) are unconditionally loving no matter what happens. It's a nice idea, but it rarely happens. This is why Rotary Clubs have a rule that certain things, such as politics and religion, can't be discussed at lunch. People have strong opinions, and they can get very angry if their opinions are challenged.
My mother unconsciously uses a funny technique for changing the subject whenever an uncomfortable subject arises. Our whole family has recognized it, and gets a big laugh out of it. If a conversation goes in a direction she doesn't like, my mother will suddenly interrupt the speaker, point out the window, and say, "Look! A bird!" She has a bird feeder right outside her window, and there are always birds there, so she uses them as a way to change the subject.
My wife's father was a wonderful guy, but he was extremely opinionated. We used to laugh about the fact that we could only safely discuss the weather in his presence. Politics, religion, race, gender issues, the EPA, liberals, and about a thousand other subjects were strictly off limits. We would walk in for a visit and say, "How's the weather been lately?" Ha ha.
The biggest problem for most children is their parents' expectations. Some parents have a list of expectations that would fill a book. A kid is lucky if the list is only a few pages long. LOL.
I once knew a fellow whose father and mother were extremely materialistic, moralistic, and expectatious (if there isn't such a word there ought to be). They expected their kids to do well in everything because they had done well in everything. The father, particularly, was the most egotistical self-centered human I have ever met. He was brilliant, and he had succeeded at virtually everything--sports, education, business, investing--except showing love. His son only got his father's approval when he achieved something. His son was also brilliant, got good grades, went to an Ivy League school, got a law degree, and married a sophisticated girl he met in England, but all he really wanted was his father's unqualified love and acceptance of who he was, but his father couldn't give it. The son tried everything to get his father to see him as he was, without success. Approval remained contingent. The son then began to rebel. As a lawyer in a prestigious law firm, he first started riding a motorcycle to work (a real no-no imagewise). Later, he shaved his head (a much bigger no-no). He got a divorce and began working part-time as an amateur electrician. Neither he nor his father had any idea what the problem was, and they ultimately became estranged. The son became a harmless eccentric who lived on welfare and raised pet chickens. The father died alone, shunned by both of his children, never understanding why the millions of dollars he spent on them didn't earn their love or respect.
I know a retired college professor who is brilliant and accomplished. When she was a child, however, her father constantly belittled her, withholding his approval and never showing her any love. Today, after obtaining numerous degrees, and studying for sixty years, she is still trying to earn his approval. Unfortunately, he has been dead over forty years! Today, when she meets friends, she will act exhausted and tell everyone how busy she is with innumerable worthwhile projects that she thinks he would have approved of. Family dynamics are amazing.
Very few parents (and very few people) are unconditionally loving no matter what happens. It's a nice idea, but it rarely happens. This is why Rotary Clubs have a rule that certain things, such as politics and religion, can't be discussed at lunch. People have strong opinions, and they can get very angry if their opinions are challenged.
My mother unconsciously uses a funny technique for changing the subject whenever an uncomfortable subject arises. Our whole family has recognized it, and gets a big laugh out of it. If a conversation goes in a direction she doesn't like, my mother will suddenly interrupt the speaker, point out the window, and say, "Look! A bird!" She has a bird feeder right outside her window, and there are always birds there, so she uses them as a way to change the subject.
My wife's father was a wonderful guy, but he was extremely opinionated. We used to laugh about the fact that we could only safely discuss the weather in his presence. Politics, religion, race, gender issues, the EPA, liberals, and about a thousand other subjects were strictly off limits. We would walk in for a visit and say, "How's the weather been lately?" Ha ha.
The biggest problem for most children is their parents' expectations. Some parents have a list of expectations that would fill a book. A kid is lucky if the list is only a few pages long. LOL.
I once knew a fellow whose father and mother were extremely materialistic, moralistic, and expectatious (if there isn't such a word there ought to be). They expected their kids to do well in everything because they had done well in everything. The father, particularly, was the most egotistical self-centered human I have ever met. He was brilliant, and he had succeeded at virtually everything--sports, education, business, investing--except showing love. His son only got his father's approval when he achieved something. His son was also brilliant, got good grades, went to an Ivy League school, got a law degree, and married a sophisticated girl he met in England, but all he really wanted was his father's unqualified love and acceptance of who he was, but his father couldn't give it. The son tried everything to get his father to see him as he was, without success. Approval remained contingent. The son then began to rebel. As a lawyer in a prestigious law firm, he first started riding a motorcycle to work (a real no-no imagewise). Later, he shaved his head (a much bigger no-no). He got a divorce and began working part-time as an amateur electrician. Neither he nor his father had any idea what the problem was, and they ultimately became estranged. The son became a harmless eccentric who lived on welfare and raised pet chickens. The father died alone, shunned by both of his children, never understanding why the millions of dollars he spent on them didn't earn their love or respect.
I know a retired college professor who is brilliant and accomplished. When she was a child, however, her father constantly belittled her, withholding his approval and never showing her any love. Today, after obtaining numerous degrees, and studying for sixty years, she is still trying to earn his approval. Unfortunately, he has been dead over forty years! Today, when she meets friends, she will act exhausted and tell everyone how busy she is with innumerable worthwhile projects that she thinks he would have approved of. Family dynamics are amazing.
