Do they look like they're frustrated? Do they look worried? Do they look conflicted? If not, why not? Because they live in the moment with no expectations. They are not burdened by beliefs, and there is no mind abidance. They accept reality as it is, and do not see themselves as separate from the flow of reality. They do not have any ideas about what they or anyone else "should" do, "should" be, or "should" have. They are action-oriented rather than reflection-oriented.
I know some folks with a 15 year old son who got addicted to drugs and began to fail at school. He became anxious and depressed, had no self esteem, and needed meds to make it through the day. He lied and said anything necessary to stay in his psychological death spiral. His parents sent him to a wilderness camp two months ago. The camp taught meditation and mindfulness, took away his old identity, and took away his future. They forced him to live in the NOW non-reflectively and non-judgmentally. The counselors were all like Zen Masters. I talked to him two days ago, and I was astounded at how he had changed in two months. He was taught how to build a fire without matches (even in the rain) and how to cook a basic meal of beans, rice, and lentils. The students were given a measured amount of food, and they hiked off into the wilderness for ten days at a time and climbed mountains. They had to cook their own food, and be responsible for taking care of themselves. Very strenuous stuff. Watches were not allowed. If a student asked how soon something would happen, he was told to pay attention to what was happening at that moment. Mindfulness was the primary focus coupled with other effective parenting strategies (logical consequences, clear boundaries, etc).
Their son told me that at one point there had been continual rain for five days, but by that time he no longer had any resistance to "what is," and no idea that things should be any different than they are. He said, "Life is actually pretty simple, and many times I would break out laughing spontaneously." He said, "One day I was climbing up a mountain trail and paying attention to how my legs and feet were moving and I had this incredible experience of how perfect the universe is. I realized that there is only THIS happening NOW." He went on to tell me how most people are totally unconscious because they see the world through layers of filtering ideas. He was the clearest teenager I have ever talked to. Empty and open.
After spending an hour talking to him privately, we came back to his family and some other visiting folks, and each adult was living in a cocoon of ideas, judgments, expectations, worries, etc, and the difference between his state of mind and theirs was astonishing. His mother said, "You need to select which of these clothes (from a pile on the floor) you're going to take (to a boarding school/halfway house in another state)." The boy stood there without moving. His mother said, "You really need to do this now." The boy stood there in silence. His father said, "We're leaving at 4:30AM (about 8 hours away), so you really need to select the clothes and start packing." The boy did not move. I could see that both parents were getting upset that he wasn't jumping to do what they wanted/expected him to do. It was obvious that they did not understand what the camp counselors understood, and I hoped that the boy was practicing mindfulness at that moment. The psychological pressure being exerted by the parents was amazing, and I could see one possible reason why the boy had initially started self-medicating. He was unable to resist the pressure of their control. He was not allowed to be an autonymous adult. I knew exactly what the camp counselors would have done. They would have said, "You have between now and the time we're leaving in the morning to select which clothes you're going to take, and they would left him to do whatever he chose to do. They would have allowed him to live with the consequences of his actions. If he didn't select and pack clothes, then he would have no clothes at his destination. Simple. No pressure, no fuss, no need to force one's ideas on someone else, no expectations, no judgments, no need to control others' actions, etc. Logical consequences. The boy is now a big fan of Tolle, but whether his clarity can hold up in the face of his dysfunctional family dynamics when he eventually returns home remains to be seen. All I can do is encourage him to remain mindful and make NOW his permanent home.
What I saw in the interaction between the boy and his family was a microcosm of the dysfunctional mental habits that control most peoples' everyday lives. The message that is usually communicated is, "I'll be happy if you do (act, feel, think) what I want you to do (act, feel, think) in the way that I want you to do it." We also do the same thing to ourselves, and sometimes our ideas and expectations for ourselves are worse than our ideas and expectations for other people. Freedom and happiness lies in letting all of this mindstuff go.
I know some folks with a 15 year old son who got addicted to drugs and began to fail at school. He became anxious and depressed, had no self esteem, and needed meds to make it through the day. He lied and said anything necessary to stay in his psychological death spiral. His parents sent him to a wilderness camp two months ago. The camp taught meditation and mindfulness, took away his old identity, and took away his future. They forced him to live in the NOW non-reflectively and non-judgmentally. The counselors were all like Zen Masters. I talked to him two days ago, and I was astounded at how he had changed in two months. He was taught how to build a fire without matches (even in the rain) and how to cook a basic meal of beans, rice, and lentils. The students were given a measured amount of food, and they hiked off into the wilderness for ten days at a time and climbed mountains. They had to cook their own food, and be responsible for taking care of themselves. Very strenuous stuff. Watches were not allowed. If a student asked how soon something would happen, he was told to pay attention to what was happening at that moment. Mindfulness was the primary focus coupled with other effective parenting strategies (logical consequences, clear boundaries, etc).
Their son told me that at one point there had been continual rain for five days, but by that time he no longer had any resistance to "what is," and no idea that things should be any different than they are. He said, "Life is actually pretty simple, and many times I would break out laughing spontaneously." He said, "One day I was climbing up a mountain trail and paying attention to how my legs and feet were moving and I had this incredible experience of how perfect the universe is. I realized that there is only THIS happening NOW." He went on to tell me how most people are totally unconscious because they see the world through layers of filtering ideas. He was the clearest teenager I have ever talked to. Empty and open.
After spending an hour talking to him privately, we came back to his family and some other visiting folks, and each adult was living in a cocoon of ideas, judgments, expectations, worries, etc, and the difference between his state of mind and theirs was astonishing. His mother said, "You need to select which of these clothes (from a pile on the floor) you're going to take (to a boarding school/halfway house in another state)." The boy stood there without moving. His mother said, "You really need to do this now." The boy stood there in silence. His father said, "We're leaving at 4:30AM (about 8 hours away), so you really need to select the clothes and start packing." The boy did not move. I could see that both parents were getting upset that he wasn't jumping to do what they wanted/expected him to do. It was obvious that they did not understand what the camp counselors understood, and I hoped that the boy was practicing mindfulness at that moment. The psychological pressure being exerted by the parents was amazing, and I could see one possible reason why the boy had initially started self-medicating. He was unable to resist the pressure of their control. He was not allowed to be an autonymous adult. I knew exactly what the camp counselors would have done. They would have said, "You have between now and the time we're leaving in the morning to select which clothes you're going to take, and they would left him to do whatever he chose to do. They would have allowed him to live with the consequences of his actions. If he didn't select and pack clothes, then he would have no clothes at his destination. Simple. No pressure, no fuss, no need to force one's ideas on someone else, no expectations, no judgments, no need to control others' actions, etc. Logical consequences. The boy is now a big fan of Tolle, but whether his clarity can hold up in the face of his dysfunctional family dynamics when he eventually returns home remains to be seen. All I can do is encourage him to remain mindful and make NOW his permanent home.
What I saw in the interaction between the boy and his family was a microcosm of the dysfunctional mental habits that control most peoples' everyday lives. The message that is usually communicated is, "I'll be happy if you do (act, feel, think) what I want you to do (act, feel, think) in the way that I want you to do it." We also do the same thing to ourselves, and sometimes our ideas and expectations for ourselves are worse than our ideas and expectations for other people. Freedom and happiness lies in letting all of this mindstuff go.
