In non-abidance, there isn't any self reflection, so there isn't anyone "checking back to know," so to speak. Life is lived in a kind of present-moment empty openness that is, as you noted, fresh and alive.
Can someone be close to other people, and care about other people, and love other people, and at the same time see how their mind-abidance creates problems for them? Certainly. People have written to me in the past saying that although they have attained great clarity of mind, they are married to people who lack clarity or "live in a fog." The phrase "live in a fog" is a highly accurate description of people who spend a great deal of their time being jerked around by ideation. It is almost like the "fog of war" except that it is a "fog of thought."
For anyone who sees the mind-error of becoming attached to "shoulds" and "oughts" this error is extremely obvious when one sees it manifested. Jesus rebuked Martha about this very issue in a classic vignette. As you may remember, Jesus was invited to dinner at the home of Martha. Martha had a sister, Mary, and rather than help Martha in the kitchen with the meal Mary sat with the men and listened to Jesus's teachings. At a certain point Martha's suppressed anger at Mary's failure to help her caused her to complain. She asked Jesus to demand that Mary help her in the kitchen. Jesus replied, in essence, "Martha, Martha, you are all upset about what you think Mary should be doing, but you need to chill out. Mary is doing exactly what she's supposed to be doing."
He could have continued and said, "Martha, if you can stop imagining how you think reality "ought" to be, then you'll be a lot happier. Take responsibility for yourself, and become one-with what's happening. If you can get out of your head, then you won't need to come complaining to me; you'll do whatever is necessary out of pure emptiness. Maybe you'll stop worrying about getting the meal ready, and come join our conversation. Maybe you'll focus on fixing the meal by yourself and enjoy doing it alone. Maybe you'll come tell Mary to help you in the kitchen. Who knows? The point is that if you can get out of your head, you won't be fixing the meal with your body and letting your mind get angry and upset because Mary isn't automatically doing whatever you think she should be doing."
Does the heart play a role? Sure, but the heart is another abstraction. When body and mind become unified, the heart is included in that unity. In fact, when there is non-abidance compassion becomes a dominant characteristic. One feels the hurt and anguish of others, and one enjoys offering help and service for no reason at all. It is a spontaneous arising. The deeper one goes the more one feels connected to everyone and everything. It's a case of "your pain is my pain." Sometimes, however, it can be a case of what Byron Katie calls, "your time to suffer." Very often the suffering is self-inflicted by the habit of incessant thinking.
Does minding continue after there is non-abidance? Sure, but there is no attachment to it. Minds do what minds do, and this is seen, understood, and accepted as the nature of "what is." Is it rudderless? Sure, because there is no entity in control of minding. It is a little bit like being a leaf blown about by the wind never knowing where the next breeze will come from.
Does this mean that problems never occur? Of course not. Life is a continual surprise, and all kinds of weird (and even horrible) things can happen, but if there is non-abidance, one sort of "rolls with the punches," like in judo, rather than being shattered like a piece of glass. The phrase "no problem" is a way of laughing at the crazy unpredictable nature of reality, and accepting it with as little complaint as possible. Oh! My house burned down? What a bummer! Okay, so let's get busy and rebuild the silly thing. The insurance had elapsed? Very big bummer. Okay, let's learn a good lesson, clean up the mess, earn enough money to build it back, and make sure we have insurance the next time. Oh! A tornado blew away the town? Let's hurry and go help wherever we can. Non-abidance is a "do it" sort of mind--very action oriented and non-reflective. Thoughts like "this or that SHOULDN'T have happened" simply don't occur. Whatever IS happening is exactly what MUST BE happening.
Can someone be close to other people, and care about other people, and love other people, and at the same time see how their mind-abidance creates problems for them? Certainly. People have written to me in the past saying that although they have attained great clarity of mind, they are married to people who lack clarity or "live in a fog." The phrase "live in a fog" is a highly accurate description of people who spend a great deal of their time being jerked around by ideation. It is almost like the "fog of war" except that it is a "fog of thought."
For anyone who sees the mind-error of becoming attached to "shoulds" and "oughts" this error is extremely obvious when one sees it manifested. Jesus rebuked Martha about this very issue in a classic vignette. As you may remember, Jesus was invited to dinner at the home of Martha. Martha had a sister, Mary, and rather than help Martha in the kitchen with the meal Mary sat with the men and listened to Jesus's teachings. At a certain point Martha's suppressed anger at Mary's failure to help her caused her to complain. She asked Jesus to demand that Mary help her in the kitchen. Jesus replied, in essence, "Martha, Martha, you are all upset about what you think Mary should be doing, but you need to chill out. Mary is doing exactly what she's supposed to be doing."
He could have continued and said, "Martha, if you can stop imagining how you think reality "ought" to be, then you'll be a lot happier. Take responsibility for yourself, and become one-with what's happening. If you can get out of your head, then you won't need to come complaining to me; you'll do whatever is necessary out of pure emptiness. Maybe you'll stop worrying about getting the meal ready, and come join our conversation. Maybe you'll focus on fixing the meal by yourself and enjoy doing it alone. Maybe you'll come tell Mary to help you in the kitchen. Who knows? The point is that if you can get out of your head, you won't be fixing the meal with your body and letting your mind get angry and upset because Mary isn't automatically doing whatever you think she should be doing."
Does the heart play a role? Sure, but the heart is another abstraction. When body and mind become unified, the heart is included in that unity. In fact, when there is non-abidance compassion becomes a dominant characteristic. One feels the hurt and anguish of others, and one enjoys offering help and service for no reason at all. It is a spontaneous arising. The deeper one goes the more one feels connected to everyone and everything. It's a case of "your pain is my pain." Sometimes, however, it can be a case of what Byron Katie calls, "your time to suffer." Very often the suffering is self-inflicted by the habit of incessant thinking.
Does minding continue after there is non-abidance? Sure, but there is no attachment to it. Minds do what minds do, and this is seen, understood, and accepted as the nature of "what is." Is it rudderless? Sure, because there is no entity in control of minding. It is a little bit like being a leaf blown about by the wind never knowing where the next breeze will come from.
Does this mean that problems never occur? Of course not. Life is a continual surprise, and all kinds of weird (and even horrible) things can happen, but if there is non-abidance, one sort of "rolls with the punches," like in judo, rather than being shattered like a piece of glass. The phrase "no problem" is a way of laughing at the crazy unpredictable nature of reality, and accepting it with as little complaint as possible. Oh! My house burned down? What a bummer! Okay, so let's get busy and rebuild the silly thing. The insurance had elapsed? Very big bummer. Okay, let's learn a good lesson, clean up the mess, earn enough money to build it back, and make sure we have insurance the next time. Oh! A tornado blew away the town? Let's hurry and go help wherever we can. Non-abidance is a "do it" sort of mind--very action oriented and non-reflective. Thoughts like "this or that SHOULDN'T have happened" simply don't occur. Whatever IS happening is exactly what MUST BE happening.
