...are often horrifying to behold. LOL. When I think about all the mother/daughter relationships I know about, only one or two out of several dozen are healthy. The sixty-year old woman whose mother still judges her hair, clothes, mothering style, cooking, makeup, etc. said to me once, "When I was six years old, I began locking my bedroom door to keep my mother out. The dynamic was interesting. Her father would come home and tell her mother about all of his work-related problems. Her mother would then come share all of the problems with her young daughter. The woman had several older brothers who presented the conservative family with other problems. The mother regarded her young daughter as a confidante, almost a surrogate spouse, upon whom she could discuss (dump) all of the family and real-world problems. The mother didn't understand or have any expectations for her husband or sons, but she expected her daughter to fulfill a laundry list of expectations in being the perfect daughter. The mother expected her daughter to help her solve problems and share her outlook and beliefs, even when the daughter was six-years old! The mother didn't realize it, but she was emotionally abusing her daughter, and has never stopped, even today. Her daughter fears her mother's disapproval, and thinks that it would be "unChristian" to respond with anger. Consequently, she stuffs her feelings and feels horrible that they can't have a loving relationship. One look from the mother can devastate the daughter.
What's amazing is that most of the other mother/daughter relationships I know about are even worse! Several women I know simply moved as far away from their mothers as possible, and visit them as infrequently as possible. Why subject yourself to an abusive judge and jury if you can avoid it?
One woman got free of this using shock therapy. She got so angry that she allowed her true feelings out of the box--sort of like setting off an A-bomb. Her mother didn't know what hit her, but she was forced to accept that her daughter was not a clone and was no longer an infant willing to be controlled by her expectations dressed in the name of "love."
BK lists several thoughts that need to be investigated in this regard.
"I ought to love my mother." Is that true?
"My mother should treat me as an equal." Really?
"I wish that my mother and I could have a good relationship." That's a nice idea to get rid of.
"I would be happy if my mother would approve of me." Ha ha ha ha.
Freedom from believing in thoughts leads to an unknown world where anything becomes possible. "Becoming empty" means not knowing what will happen. It points to being present without any ideas about how other people "should" be, or how people "ought" to treat each other, or even how I "ought" to be. Only in emptiness is true love possible.
What's amazing is that most of the other mother/daughter relationships I know about are even worse! Several women I know simply moved as far away from their mothers as possible, and visit them as infrequently as possible. Why subject yourself to an abusive judge and jury if you can avoid it?
One woman got free of this using shock therapy. She got so angry that she allowed her true feelings out of the box--sort of like setting off an A-bomb. Her mother didn't know what hit her, but she was forced to accept that her daughter was not a clone and was no longer an infant willing to be controlled by her expectations dressed in the name of "love."
BK lists several thoughts that need to be investigated in this regard.
"I ought to love my mother." Is that true?
"My mother should treat me as an equal." Really?
"I wish that my mother and I could have a good relationship." That's a nice idea to get rid of.
"I would be happy if my mother would approve of me." Ha ha ha ha.
Freedom from believing in thoughts leads to an unknown world where anything becomes possible. "Becoming empty" means not knowing what will happen. It points to being present without any ideas about how other people "should" be, or how people "ought" to treat each other, or even how I "ought" to be. Only in emptiness is true love possible.
