...(this is from memory because it was not written down). I remember only a few of the questions that were asked during the question/answer session afterward because I talked to lots of people at the retreat, and I can no longer remember the context of all the different conversations. )
"Fifty years ago this body/mind began searching for the truth. At that time there were no books about non-duality in the local bookstore, and I don't remember even hearing the phrase 'non-duality' until ten years later. There was no Eckhart Tolle on the New York Times bestseller list, and there was no internet, so there were no video satsangs on youtube with people like Adyashanti, Byron Katie, Gangaji, or Tolle available. No one I knew at that time understood what I was searching for or could understand why it was important to me. People understood why someone might ask "Is there a God?" or "What is the meaning of life?" but not many people understood why someone would ask, "What is a subatomic particle, really?" or "What is time and space?" or "What could explain the observer paradoxes in quantum mechanics and other fields of science?" I was like a man in a pitch-black room fumbling around for a light switch and not even knowing if there was a light-switch in the room.
After twenty years of reading and thinking, I had not found a single answer to the hundreds of existential questions that consumed me. Then, I stumbled onto a path to truth. Five months later I had a mind-blowing experience that included many realizations. That experience answered seven of my questions, and showed me that the answers to all of my other questions were inside myself. After that experience I felt just like Kabir, the fifteenth-century Hindu/Muslim sage who said, "I glimpsed the truth for fifteen seconds and became a servant for life."
During the next fifteen years, as a result of becoming internally silent and attending THIS ('what is") all of my questions were answered, and on Aug 17, 1999 the search came to an end when I saw that my last question was based upon a monumental illusion. Afterwards, life went on just as before, but without the searching and without the vague sense of discontent.
I could talk about non-duality all day long, but I'm going to try to limit my comments this morning to about twenty-five or thirty minutes, and then I'll stop and we can discuss whatever issues interest you. I'm going to explain in simple terms how to find the truth, and also explain why it is so hard to see something that is always right in front of our eyes.
Nisargadatta once said something to a seeker that struck me as funny, interesting, and insightful. He said, "You know, you didn't get into this mess overnight." Nisargadatta was a feisty little guy, and I can see him poking his finger in the seeker's chest and saying that with a lot of emphasis and animation. What he meant was, "You didn't get into the mess of thinking you're a somebody 'in here' looking at a world 'out there' overnight. It happened gradually, so gradually that you didn't realize what was happening."
In the Gospel of Thomas Jesus reportedly told his disciples a parable related to this issue. He said, "A certain woman was carrying a jar of meal from the market to her home. The jar broke, and sprung a leak, and the meal slowly spilled out behind her on the road as she walked along. The woman didn't notice that anything was wrong. When she got to her home, she set the jar down and was surprised to find that it was empty."
In other words, what Nisargadatta and Jesus were saying is that something happens between childhood and adulthood that makes us think we're separate from THIS (gestures with hands to include the entire room). Something happens that makes us think we're Bob, or Betty, or John, or Jill rather than THIS (gestures again). What is it that happens?
Little children interact with the world directly. They look, listen, smell, taste, feel and attend "what is." They are one-with THIS (gestures) and are not psychologically separated from it. A small child can sit and watch a column of ants for twenty minutes without thinking anything. A child can lie in the grass and watch clouds drift overhead without imagining that they look like something else. They live in the present moment and are unconcerned about either the past or future.
As we grow up, however, we begin to think and imagine all kinds of things ABOUT the world. We gradually shift our attention from THIS to ideas ABOUT this. This shift in attention is so gradual that we don't realize the effect that it has.
By the time we are adults, we have an internal dialogue going on that jabbers all day long about "me, me, me, me, me, me." The voice in our head says, "I think, I want, I need, I hope, I wish, I expect, I believe" incessantly. These kinds of thoughts reinforce the idea that we are someone separate--a person-- looking at an externalized world. It creates what I call "a thought structure" so powerful that it evokes a visceral feeling of separateness--what we call a "sense of selfhood."
The truth is THIS (gestures); the illusion is separation. There is nothing but THIS (gestures). You are not a person; you are THIS (gestures). THIS is unified, alive, conscious, and intelligent. It is who and what we ARE.
When people get interested in non-duality, they think, "I need to find the truth," or "I need to become free." This is extremely funny. The truth is saying, "I need to find the truth," and THIS, which is eternally free, is saying, "I need to become free." Who we are IS the truth saying, "I need to find the truth," and who we are IS freedom saying, I need to become free."
So, all seekers are in a big mess caused by their thinking. The question is how to get out of the mess and realize the truth? How can it be realized that we're NOT John or Jane or Betty, or Bill, but THIS (gestures)?
The easiest way to get out of the mess is to reverse the process that created the mess in the first place. Attention is shifted away from thoughts and back to what can be seen or heard or felt. We quit doing what adults do, and return to what little children do. I like to call it "attending the actual" or ATA. To be precise, it is ATA minus thoughts.
ATA is slightly different than mindfulness, and I recommend it because it keeps things as simple as possible. Mindfulness is okay, but mindfulness is usually thought of as a practice, and it includes the practice of attending thoughts as well as what can be seen or heard. Thoughts, however, are sticky, and lots of people practicing mindfulness get lost in the content of the thoughts they're watching. People practicing mindfulness often think, "I need to be more mindful," or "I'm making progress because I'm spending x amount of time being mindful." They rarely escape these kinds of deeply self-referential thoughts, and it is not uncommon to meet people who have practiced mindfulness for twenty years who have never seen through the illusion that there is someone practicing mindfulness.
ATA minus thoughts has several advantages over mindfulness. First, attention is turned away from ALL thoughts, so the "stickiness" of thoughts is avoided completely. Second, ATA helps break through the idea that someone is "doing ATA" because it shifts attention away from all self-referential thoughts. If someone thinks, "I need to practice more ATA," as soon as this thought is seen, attention is shifted back to what can be seen or heard. This shift in attention stops reinforcing the habit of self-centered thoughts. Because attention stays on direct sensory perception, the thoughts that create and maintain the illusion of selfhood are not reinforced, and the structure of thought supporting a sense of selfhood ultimately collapses. The third big advantage of ATA is that it is not special, and is not as likely to foster thoughts of specialness. It can be pursued anywhere and at any time, and is not a "formal" kind of practice. Zen students often become proud of what they call "hard sitting," (as though they are achieving something special by sitting with a lot of pain), but there is no "hard" ATA.
A Zen student who sits on a meditation cushion watching the breathing process is doing ATA, but because it is a formal practice, it often enhances a sense of formality and specialness. During such formal meditation, attention is shifted away from thoughts to what is being directly experienced through the body. This is ATA minus thoughts. If we go for a walk in the woods and look at the world without naming what we're looking at, or thinking about what we're looking at, or commenting upon what we're looking at, that's also ATA, but its relaxed and pain-free. If we're driving our car down the road while looking or listening, that's also ATA.
It is worth remembering that little children do not do mindfulness. They never spend any time watching thoughts because they haven't yet invested in a lot of thoughts and ideas about the world. Their interaction with the world is much simpler and totally direct.
The problem (the mess we're in) is that when we begin ATA'ing, we think there's a "me" who is "doing ATA," but there isn't. That's just part of the mess we're in. Who we are is THIS; who we think we are is imaginary, and an imaginary person can't do anything. All there is is THIS, and THIS does everything. THIS can imagine separation, but it can also see through the illusion of separation. THIS is the only actor on the stage.
If you ask, "What can I do to become free or find the truth?" the answer is "Nothing," because an imaginary person can't do anything, and who you think you are is imaginary. Asking "How can I find the truth?" is like asking, "How can an imaginary person climb Mt. Everest?" Ha ha. Only in imagination!
It is for this reason that every seeker starts off searching for the truth under a big illusion and in a big mess. We think that we're a person who needs to get enlightened, but enlightenment is the realization that the one seeking enlightenment does not exist, and has never existed. The person who we think we are is nothing more than a figment of imagination (albeit a very powerful figment).
ATA dispels the illusion of separation by interrupting the cycle of self-reflection that maintains the illusion. If we do not think of ourselves, our sense of selfhood eventually evaporates. This is why any other spiritual path that takes us out of the self-reinforcing cycle of self-reflection also "works." Some people follow a path of social service, and if reflective thought is not a major component of that activity, that, too, can lead to realization. Several other paths lead to the same thing, but ATA, from my POV, seems to be the cleanest and simplest approach. ATA does not require any understanding. Although the nature and functionality of mind may be subsequently understood, it is not necessary. The only requirement is to do what we automatically and unconsciously did as little children--look, listen, feel, etc.
Because adults usually stay lost in thoughts, they think that thinking is necessary, but it is not. Thinking is a useful tool, and it is required for planning a trip or designing an electronic circuit, but it is not necessary during everyday life. It has been said that the average adult thinks between 30,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day, but most of those thoughts are unncessary and self-referential. In the total absence of thoughts it is possible to get out of bed in the morning, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, shave or shower, get dressed, fix and eat breakfast, drive to work, and so forth.
There's nothing inherently wrong with thinking, but self-referential thinking creates and maintains the illusion that we are separate from THIS. Thinking creates lots of other illusions as well, such as time, space, causality, identity, meaning, etc. Freedom from the compulsion of incessant thought, or non-abidance in mind, keeps thought in its proper place. The goal is not to stop thought, but to become free of thought long enough to see through the illusions created and maintained by thought.
I'm now going to tell three stories that illustrate these issues.
Nisargadatta was an uneducated Indian businessman. He went to his guru and asked, "How can I find or realize the truth?" His guru said, "Shift attention away from thoughts to the sense of 'I Am.'" Nisargadatta later said, "I was a simple man, and I trusted my teacher totally. I therefore did what he said, and I spent all of my spare time attending to the sense of 'I am.'" Nisargadatta realized the truth in three years.
A particular Zen Master, when he was a young monk, went to his teacher and asked the same question as Nisargadatta. His teacher told him that he had a "monkey mind" and to use breath-counting to create some mental "space." After a while, his teacher told him to use a breath-awareness meditation (shifting attention from thoughts to the breathing process--ATA) to create more mental space. Later, his teacher told him, in essence, to shift attention away from thoughts to pure awareness (shikantaza). He told him to sit in a thoughtless state of high alertness, as if he were sitting in a jungle at night surrounded by wild animals. He did what he teacher told him to do, and he realized the truth in about three years.
Both Nisargadatta and the monk were intensely motivated and persistent, and they spent as much of their time as possible free of self-referential thought. (It is no accident that Jesus taught two parables about the importance of persistence.)
The third story I'm going to tell you is very funny. It contains many funny sub-stories, and is probably more typical of what you have experienced than either Nisargadatta or the Zen Master I talked about. (I then told the story of my own search for truth and some of the funniest things that happened along the way. I included the story of, and emphasized, my concrete-pouring realization, and explained how asking, "What must I be doing this moment?" helped free me from the fantasy that was dominating my thinking at that time (the escapist fantasy of running off to a mountaintop and getting enlightened). I explained how that question can help reveal the truth, and I recommended that people use that question to pull themselves away from thoughts to the reality of this moment. I then asked the audience, "What must you be doing this moment?" Several people responded, "Sitting here listening to you." I replied, "That's right, and what must I be doing this moment?" They replied, "Talking to us." Yes. The truth is very simple, and it is always here and now manifesting "just like this." By shifting attention away from thoughts to what can be seen and heard, the mesmerizing power of self-referential thoughts is broken, and the truth becomes obvious.)
At a later time I'll post some of the questions that were subsequently asked, and some of the interesting conversations I overheard or participated in. Other people who attended the retreat may want to share some of their experiences and observations as well.
"Fifty years ago this body/mind began searching for the truth. At that time there were no books about non-duality in the local bookstore, and I don't remember even hearing the phrase 'non-duality' until ten years later. There was no Eckhart Tolle on the New York Times bestseller list, and there was no internet, so there were no video satsangs on youtube with people like Adyashanti, Byron Katie, Gangaji, or Tolle available. No one I knew at that time understood what I was searching for or could understand why it was important to me. People understood why someone might ask "Is there a God?" or "What is the meaning of life?" but not many people understood why someone would ask, "What is a subatomic particle, really?" or "What is time and space?" or "What could explain the observer paradoxes in quantum mechanics and other fields of science?" I was like a man in a pitch-black room fumbling around for a light switch and not even knowing if there was a light-switch in the room.
After twenty years of reading and thinking, I had not found a single answer to the hundreds of existential questions that consumed me. Then, I stumbled onto a path to truth. Five months later I had a mind-blowing experience that included many realizations. That experience answered seven of my questions, and showed me that the answers to all of my other questions were inside myself. After that experience I felt just like Kabir, the fifteenth-century Hindu/Muslim sage who said, "I glimpsed the truth for fifteen seconds and became a servant for life."
During the next fifteen years, as a result of becoming internally silent and attending THIS ('what is") all of my questions were answered, and on Aug 17, 1999 the search came to an end when I saw that my last question was based upon a monumental illusion. Afterwards, life went on just as before, but without the searching and without the vague sense of discontent.
I could talk about non-duality all day long, but I'm going to try to limit my comments this morning to about twenty-five or thirty minutes, and then I'll stop and we can discuss whatever issues interest you. I'm going to explain in simple terms how to find the truth, and also explain why it is so hard to see something that is always right in front of our eyes.
Nisargadatta once said something to a seeker that struck me as funny, interesting, and insightful. He said, "You know, you didn't get into this mess overnight." Nisargadatta was a feisty little guy, and I can see him poking his finger in the seeker's chest and saying that with a lot of emphasis and animation. What he meant was, "You didn't get into the mess of thinking you're a somebody 'in here' looking at a world 'out there' overnight. It happened gradually, so gradually that you didn't realize what was happening."
In the Gospel of Thomas Jesus reportedly told his disciples a parable related to this issue. He said, "A certain woman was carrying a jar of meal from the market to her home. The jar broke, and sprung a leak, and the meal slowly spilled out behind her on the road as she walked along. The woman didn't notice that anything was wrong. When she got to her home, she set the jar down and was surprised to find that it was empty."
In other words, what Nisargadatta and Jesus were saying is that something happens between childhood and adulthood that makes us think we're separate from THIS (gestures with hands to include the entire room). Something happens that makes us think we're Bob, or Betty, or John, or Jill rather than THIS (gestures again). What is it that happens?
Little children interact with the world directly. They look, listen, smell, taste, feel and attend "what is." They are one-with THIS (gestures) and are not psychologically separated from it. A small child can sit and watch a column of ants for twenty minutes without thinking anything. A child can lie in the grass and watch clouds drift overhead without imagining that they look like something else. They live in the present moment and are unconcerned about either the past or future.
As we grow up, however, we begin to think and imagine all kinds of things ABOUT the world. We gradually shift our attention from THIS to ideas ABOUT this. This shift in attention is so gradual that we don't realize the effect that it has.
By the time we are adults, we have an internal dialogue going on that jabbers all day long about "me, me, me, me, me, me." The voice in our head says, "I think, I want, I need, I hope, I wish, I expect, I believe" incessantly. These kinds of thoughts reinforce the idea that we are someone separate--a person-- looking at an externalized world. It creates what I call "a thought structure" so powerful that it evokes a visceral feeling of separateness--what we call a "sense of selfhood."
The truth is THIS (gestures); the illusion is separation. There is nothing but THIS (gestures). You are not a person; you are THIS (gestures). THIS is unified, alive, conscious, and intelligent. It is who and what we ARE.
When people get interested in non-duality, they think, "I need to find the truth," or "I need to become free." This is extremely funny. The truth is saying, "I need to find the truth," and THIS, which is eternally free, is saying, "I need to become free." Who we are IS the truth saying, "I need to find the truth," and who we are IS freedom saying, I need to become free."
So, all seekers are in a big mess caused by their thinking. The question is how to get out of the mess and realize the truth? How can it be realized that we're NOT John or Jane or Betty, or Bill, but THIS (gestures)?
The easiest way to get out of the mess is to reverse the process that created the mess in the first place. Attention is shifted away from thoughts and back to what can be seen or heard or felt. We quit doing what adults do, and return to what little children do. I like to call it "attending the actual" or ATA. To be precise, it is ATA minus thoughts.
ATA is slightly different than mindfulness, and I recommend it because it keeps things as simple as possible. Mindfulness is okay, but mindfulness is usually thought of as a practice, and it includes the practice of attending thoughts as well as what can be seen or heard. Thoughts, however, are sticky, and lots of people practicing mindfulness get lost in the content of the thoughts they're watching. People practicing mindfulness often think, "I need to be more mindful," or "I'm making progress because I'm spending x amount of time being mindful." They rarely escape these kinds of deeply self-referential thoughts, and it is not uncommon to meet people who have practiced mindfulness for twenty years who have never seen through the illusion that there is someone practicing mindfulness.
ATA minus thoughts has several advantages over mindfulness. First, attention is turned away from ALL thoughts, so the "stickiness" of thoughts is avoided completely. Second, ATA helps break through the idea that someone is "doing ATA" because it shifts attention away from all self-referential thoughts. If someone thinks, "I need to practice more ATA," as soon as this thought is seen, attention is shifted back to what can be seen or heard. This shift in attention stops reinforcing the habit of self-centered thoughts. Because attention stays on direct sensory perception, the thoughts that create and maintain the illusion of selfhood are not reinforced, and the structure of thought supporting a sense of selfhood ultimately collapses. The third big advantage of ATA is that it is not special, and is not as likely to foster thoughts of specialness. It can be pursued anywhere and at any time, and is not a "formal" kind of practice. Zen students often become proud of what they call "hard sitting," (as though they are achieving something special by sitting with a lot of pain), but there is no "hard" ATA.
A Zen student who sits on a meditation cushion watching the breathing process is doing ATA, but because it is a formal practice, it often enhances a sense of formality and specialness. During such formal meditation, attention is shifted away from thoughts to what is being directly experienced through the body. This is ATA minus thoughts. If we go for a walk in the woods and look at the world without naming what we're looking at, or thinking about what we're looking at, or commenting upon what we're looking at, that's also ATA, but its relaxed and pain-free. If we're driving our car down the road while looking or listening, that's also ATA.
It is worth remembering that little children do not do mindfulness. They never spend any time watching thoughts because they haven't yet invested in a lot of thoughts and ideas about the world. Their interaction with the world is much simpler and totally direct.
The problem (the mess we're in) is that when we begin ATA'ing, we think there's a "me" who is "doing ATA," but there isn't. That's just part of the mess we're in. Who we are is THIS; who we think we are is imaginary, and an imaginary person can't do anything. All there is is THIS, and THIS does everything. THIS can imagine separation, but it can also see through the illusion of separation. THIS is the only actor on the stage.
If you ask, "What can I do to become free or find the truth?" the answer is "Nothing," because an imaginary person can't do anything, and who you think you are is imaginary. Asking "How can I find the truth?" is like asking, "How can an imaginary person climb Mt. Everest?" Ha ha. Only in imagination!
It is for this reason that every seeker starts off searching for the truth under a big illusion and in a big mess. We think that we're a person who needs to get enlightened, but enlightenment is the realization that the one seeking enlightenment does not exist, and has never existed. The person who we think we are is nothing more than a figment of imagination (albeit a very powerful figment).
ATA dispels the illusion of separation by interrupting the cycle of self-reflection that maintains the illusion. If we do not think of ourselves, our sense of selfhood eventually evaporates. This is why any other spiritual path that takes us out of the self-reinforcing cycle of self-reflection also "works." Some people follow a path of social service, and if reflective thought is not a major component of that activity, that, too, can lead to realization. Several other paths lead to the same thing, but ATA, from my POV, seems to be the cleanest and simplest approach. ATA does not require any understanding. Although the nature and functionality of mind may be subsequently understood, it is not necessary. The only requirement is to do what we automatically and unconsciously did as little children--look, listen, feel, etc.
Because adults usually stay lost in thoughts, they think that thinking is necessary, but it is not. Thinking is a useful tool, and it is required for planning a trip or designing an electronic circuit, but it is not necessary during everyday life. It has been said that the average adult thinks between 30,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day, but most of those thoughts are unncessary and self-referential. In the total absence of thoughts it is possible to get out of bed in the morning, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, shave or shower, get dressed, fix and eat breakfast, drive to work, and so forth.
There's nothing inherently wrong with thinking, but self-referential thinking creates and maintains the illusion that we are separate from THIS. Thinking creates lots of other illusions as well, such as time, space, causality, identity, meaning, etc. Freedom from the compulsion of incessant thought, or non-abidance in mind, keeps thought in its proper place. The goal is not to stop thought, but to become free of thought long enough to see through the illusions created and maintained by thought.
I'm now going to tell three stories that illustrate these issues.
Nisargadatta was an uneducated Indian businessman. He went to his guru and asked, "How can I find or realize the truth?" His guru said, "Shift attention away from thoughts to the sense of 'I Am.'" Nisargadatta later said, "I was a simple man, and I trusted my teacher totally. I therefore did what he said, and I spent all of my spare time attending to the sense of 'I am.'" Nisargadatta realized the truth in three years.
A particular Zen Master, when he was a young monk, went to his teacher and asked the same question as Nisargadatta. His teacher told him that he had a "monkey mind" and to use breath-counting to create some mental "space." After a while, his teacher told him to use a breath-awareness meditation (shifting attention from thoughts to the breathing process--ATA) to create more mental space. Later, his teacher told him, in essence, to shift attention away from thoughts to pure awareness (shikantaza). He told him to sit in a thoughtless state of high alertness, as if he were sitting in a jungle at night surrounded by wild animals. He did what he teacher told him to do, and he realized the truth in about three years.
Both Nisargadatta and the monk were intensely motivated and persistent, and they spent as much of their time as possible free of self-referential thought. (It is no accident that Jesus taught two parables about the importance of persistence.)
The third story I'm going to tell you is very funny. It contains many funny sub-stories, and is probably more typical of what you have experienced than either Nisargadatta or the Zen Master I talked about. (I then told the story of my own search for truth and some of the funniest things that happened along the way. I included the story of, and emphasized, my concrete-pouring realization, and explained how asking, "What must I be doing this moment?" helped free me from the fantasy that was dominating my thinking at that time (the escapist fantasy of running off to a mountaintop and getting enlightened). I explained how that question can help reveal the truth, and I recommended that people use that question to pull themselves away from thoughts to the reality of this moment. I then asked the audience, "What must you be doing this moment?" Several people responded, "Sitting here listening to you." I replied, "That's right, and what must I be doing this moment?" They replied, "Talking to us." Yes. The truth is very simple, and it is always here and now manifesting "just like this." By shifting attention away from thoughts to what can be seen and heard, the mesmerizing power of self-referential thoughts is broken, and the truth becomes obvious.)
At a later time I'll post some of the questions that were subsequently asked, and some of the interesting conversations I overheard or participated in. Other people who attended the retreat may want to share some of their experiences and observations as well.
