...was the fear generated by realizing that I was not in control of anything. I remember thinking, "If this body/mind doesn't keep meditating, or making an effort to wake up, then it won't wake up, and there is nothing I can do about it." Ha ha. In retrospect, that worry seems pretty hysterical, but it wasn't very funny at the time.
The idea of "jumping" suggests that there is something dramatic that one can do to speed up the awakening process, but this is rarely the case. It happens, if it happens, on its own mysterious schedule and in its own mysterious way. The admonition, "Drop off body and mind this moment!" only works if the body/mind is already teetering on the brink and only needs that one command to send it over the edge. I have read a few accounts where this happened, but it's rare, and it usually only occurs in intense retreat situations after several days of sustained silence and contemplation.
Many of the classic Zen awakening stories where a ZM said or did something that resulted in a student having a big enlightenment experience occurred after a long period of deep not-knowing and psychological ripening.
The idea of "jumping" suggests that there is something dramatic that one can do to speed up the awakening process, but this is rarely the case. It happens, if it happens, on its own mysterious schedule and in its own mysterious way. The admonition, "Drop off body and mind this moment!" only works if the body/mind is already teetering on the brink and only needs that one command to send it over the edge. I have read a few accounts where this happened, but it's rare, and it usually only occurs in intense retreat situations after several days of sustained silence and contemplation.
Many of the classic Zen awakening stories where a ZM said or did something that resulted in a student having a big enlightenment experience occurred after a long period of deep not-knowing and psychological ripening.
